25 May 2013

Mosiah 22: The escape of the Nephites

Ammon and Lemhi decide to call a meeting of all the people. There was only one order of business: how to deliver themselves out of bondage.
And now it came to pass that Ammon and king Limhi began to consult with the people how they should deliver themselves out of bondage; and even they did cause that all the people should gather themselves together; and this they did that they might have the voice of the people concerning the matter. 22.1
After a lengthy discussion, they decided that the only option was to run away. (They tried fighting last chapter, remember?)
And it came to pass that they could find no way to deliver themselves out of bondage, except it were to take their women and children, and their flocks, and their herds, and their tents, and depart into the wilderness; for the Lamanites being so numerous, it was impossible for the people of Limhi to contend with them, thinking to deliver themselves out of bondage by the sword. 22.2
But they still needed a plan. Luckily, a man named Gideon had a great idea: to get the Lamanites drunk and escape through the back door. He explains it to us in the next 6 verses.

Now it came to pass that Gideon went forth and stood before the king, and said unto him: Now O king, thou hast hitherto hearkened unto my words many times when we have been contending with our brethren, the Lamanites. 22.3  
And now O king, if thou hast not found me to be an unprofitable servant, or if thou hast hitherto listened to my words in any degree, and they have been of service to thee, even so I desire that thou wouldst listen to my words at this time, and I will be thy servant and deliver this people out of bondage. 22.4
And the king granted unto him that he might speak. And Gideon said unto him: 22.5
Behold the back pass, through the back wall, on the back side of the city. The Lamanites, or the guards of the Lamanites, by night are drunken; therefore let us send a proclamation among all this people that they gather together their flocks and herds, that they may drive them into the wilderness by night. 22.6  
And I will go according to thy command and pay the last tribute of wine to the Lamanites, and they will be drunken; and we will pass through the secret pass on the left of their camp when they are drunken and asleep. 22.7  
Thus we will depart with our women and our children, our flocks, and our herds into the wilderness; and we will travel around the land of Shilom.  22.8

So that's what they did. King Limhi followed Gideon's plan, and everything went off without a hitch. And after many days of wandering in the wilderness, they arrived at the land of Zarahemla and joined Mosiah's people. 
And it came to pass that the king hearkened unto the words of Gideon22.9 
And king Limhi caused that his people should gather their flocks together; and he sent the tribute of wine to the Lamanites; and he also sent more wine, as a present unto them; and they did drink freely of the wine which king Limhi did send unto them. 22.10  
And it came to pass that the people of king Limhi did depart by night into the wilderness with their flocks and their herds, and they went round about the land of Shilom in the wilderness, and bent their course towards the land of Zarahemla, being led by Ammon and his brethren. 22.11  
And they had taken all their gold, and silver, and their precious things, which they could carry, and also their provisions with them, into the wilderness; and they pursued their journey. 22.12
And after being many days in the wilderness they arrived in the land of Zarahemla, and joined Mosiah's people, and became his subjects. 22.13  
And it came to pass that Mosiah received them with joy; and he also received their records, and also the records which had been found by the people of Limhi. 22.14
When the Lamanites woke up from their hangover, they sent out an army after the Nephites. After two days of pursuit, the army gets lost in the wilderness. 
And now it came to pass when the Lamanites had found that the people of Limhi had departed out of the land by night, that they sent an army into the wilderness to pursue them; 22.15  
And after they had pursued them two days, they could no longer follow their tracks; therefore they were lost in the wilderness. 22.16

If I was etching this story onto brass plates, I probably would have paraphrased Mosiah 22 like this:


But that's just lazy. 

22 May 2013

Bill Maher: Christian Rock Blows Hard (with Bible verses)

New rule: If you're a Christian heavy metal singer, like this clod is, and you're accused of hiring a guy to kill your wife, as this clod was, you have to admit you're really just a regular heavy metal singer.

C'mon dude, read your bible. God says you're not allowed to kill your wife.

Unless she's gay
Their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature ... They which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. Romans 1:24-32
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13
(In the spirit of the law this would probably apply to lesbians too.)
And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. Leviticus 20:10
a witch
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Exodus 22:18
(Exodus 22:19 is listed, but that refers to women that have sex with animals.)
a fortune teller
A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:27 (Not on Bill Maher's list, but would probably apply to fortune tellers.)
not a virgin
And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire. Leviticus 21:9
If ... the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:20-21
worshiping another god
Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 2 Chronicles 15:13
If thou shalt hear say in one of thy cities ... men [or women] ... saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known ... Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. Deuteronomy 13:12-15
If there be found among you, within any of thy gates which the LORD thy God giveth thee, man or woman, that ... hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them ... Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die. Deuteronomy 17:2-5
worshiping no god
Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 2 Chronicles 15:13
cursing her dad
Whoso curseth his [or her] father or his mother, his [or her] lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness. Proverbs 20:20 (Not highlighted in the SAB. I need to add this one. Thanks Bill!)
For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. Leviticus 20:9
hitting her dad
He [or she] that smiteth his [or her] father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. Exodus 21:15
ignoring a priest
The man [or woman, I suppose] that ... will not hearken unto the priest ... or unto the judge, even that man shall die. Deuteronomy 17:12
approaching a tabernacle
Those to encamp before the tabernacle ... were Moses and Aaron and his sons ... any one else who came near was to be put to death. Numbers 3:38 (Revised Standard Version) [Not on the Maher's list, but probably applies.]
or working on Sunday.
My sabbaths ye shall keep: for it is a sign between me and you throughout your generations ... Ye shall keep the sabbath ... every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death. Exodus 31:13-14
Otherwise hands off.

Oh, and Ecclesias [Ecclesiastes] says, "the wind continually blows."
The wind ... whirleth about continually. Ecclesisates 1:6
But not as hard as Christian rock.

Mosiah 21: The Lord did not see fit to deliver them out of bondage

Poor Limhi couldn't catch a break. After the incident with the stolen Lamanite daughters, he made an agreement with the Lamanite king. Apparently he wasn't specific enough, because soon after the Lamanites were surrounding them on all sides, putting heavy burdens on their backs and treating them like dumb-asses. 
And it came to pass that after many days the Lamanites began again to be stirred up in anger against the Nephites, and they began to come into the borders of the land round about. Mosiah 21.2 
Now they durst not slay them, because of the oath which their king had made unto Limhi; but they would smite them on their cheeks, and exercise authority over them; and began to put heavy burdens upon their backs, and drive them as they would a dumb ass. 21.3
Of course, the Nephites didn't like this at all. They asked Limhi if they could go to war with the Lamanites. Like any good leader, he said, "Okay, sure, yeah, whatever you want to do." 
And it came to pass that the people began to murmur with the king because of their afflictions; and they began to be desirous to go against them to battle. And they did afflict the king sorely with their complaints; therefore he granted unto them that they should do according to their desires. 21.6
It didn't go too well.
 21:8 And it came to pass that the Lamanites did beat them, and drove them back, and slew many of them.
The battle left many widows, who cried mightily from day to day. Their cries eventually stirred up the Nephites, and made them want to fight again.
 Now there were a great many widows in the land, and they did cry mightily from day to day, for a great fear of the Lamanites had come upon them. 21.10 
And it came to pass that their continual cries did stir up the remainder of the people of Limhi to anger against the Lamanites. 21.11a
They lost, again. 
and they went again to battle, but they were driven back again, suffering much loss. 21.11b
Then they tried again, just for good measure.
Yea, they went again even the third time, and suffered in the like manner; and those that were not slain returned again to the city of Nephi. 21.12
The surviving Nephites submitted themselves fully to the Lamanites, and cried to God for help. He was slow to hear their cries, but he heard them. He decided to soften the hearts of the Lamanites a bit, but he didn't see fit to deliver them out of bondage.

And they did humble themselves even to the dust, subjecting themselves to the yoke of bondage, submitting themselves to be smitten, and to be driven to and fro, and burdened, according to the desires of their enemies. 21.13
And they did humble themselves even in the depths of humility; and they did cry mightily to God; yea, even all the day long did they cry unto their God that he would deliver them out of their afflictions. 21.14 
And now the Lord was slow to hear their cry because of their iniquities; nevertheless the Lord did hear their cries, and began to soften the hearts of the Lamanites that they began to ease their burdens; yet the Lord did not see fit to deliver them out of bondage. 21.15

So the Nephites pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, and started prospering again.
And it came to pass that they began to prosper by degrees in the land, and began to raise grain more abundantly, and flocks, and herds, that they did not suffer with hunger. 21.16
King Limhi set guards around the city to catch the wicked priests. (Lately the priests had been stealing their grain, and Limhi was still angry about the whole virgin daughter incident.) The guards mistook Ammon and his bretheren for the priests, and they bound the group and took them to King Limhi.
And he caused that his people should watch the land round about, that by some means they might take those priests that fled into the wilderness, who had stolen the daughters of the Lamanites, and that had caused such a great destruction to come upon them. 21.20
And the king having been without the gates of the city with his guard, discovered Ammon and his brethren; and supposing them to be priests of Noah therefore he caused that they should be taken, and bound, and cast into prison. And had they been the priests of Noah he would have caused that they should be put to death. 21.23
Ammon told Limhi who he was, and about Mosiah, and how he could read plates. Limhi was especially excited about this. He had previously sent a search party to Zarahemla, but they got lost in a ghost-town and they returned with a set of ore plates that Limhi had been wanting to read for years.

But when he found that they were not, but that they were his brethren, and had come from the land of Zarahemla, he was filled with exceedingly great joy. 21.24
Now king Limhi had sent, previous to the coming of Ammon, a small number of men to search for the land of Zarahemla; but they could not find it, and they were lost in the wilderness. 21.25
Nevertheless, they did find a land which had been peopled; yea, a land which was covered with dry bones; yea, a land which had been peopled and which had been destroyed; and they, having supposed it to be the land of Zarahemla, returned to the land of Nephi, having arrived in the borders of the land not many days before the coming of Ammon. 21.26
And they brought a record with them, even a record of the people whose bones they had found; and it was engraven on plates of ore. 21.27
And now Limhi was again filled with joy in learning from the mouth of Ammon that king Mosiah had a gift from God, whereby he could interpret such engravings; yea, and Ammon also did rejoice. 21.28

He even wanted to be baptized by Ammon, but Ammon refused.
And it came to pass that king Limhi and many of his people were desirous to be baptized; but there was none in the land that had authority from God. And Ammon declined doing this thing, considering himself an unworthy servant. 21.33
So instead of baptism, they focused on how to free themselves from the Lamanites.
And now all the study of Ammon and his people, and king Limhi and his people, was to deliver themselves out of the hands of the Lamanites and from bondage. 21.36

19 May 2013

Oh! Susanna

Chapter 13 in the book of Daniel tells the story of Susanna. Don’t look for it in the Protestant Bible, though. They left it out for some reason. They just don’t know what they’re missing.

The story begins with a man named Joakim and his beautiful wife, Susanna.
Now there was a man that dwelt in Babylon, and his name was Joakim: And he took a wife whose name was Susanna ... a very beautiful woman, and one that feared God. Daniel 13:1-2
Joachim was a rich man with an orchard near his house.
Now Joakim was very rich, and had an orchard near his house. 13:4
A couple of old judges liked to hang out there, just to get a glimpse of Susanna.
There were two of the ancients of the people appointed judges that year … These men frequented the house of Joakim.
Susanna ... walked in her husband' s orchard … And the old men saw her ... walking: and they were inflamed with lust towards her … And they watched carefully every day to see her. 13:5-10
On one hot day, Susanna went into the orchard to take a bath. And, as usual, the old men were hiding there to watch.
It fell out, as they watched a fit day, she went ... to wash herself in the orchard: for it was hot weather. And there was nobody there, but the two old men that had hid themselves and were beholding her. 13:15-16
When the dirty old men saw Susanna, they ran to her and said, “We’re in love with you. Let’s have sex.”
The two elders arose, and ran to her, and said: Behold the doors of the orchard are shut, and nobody seeth us, and we are in love with thee: wherefore consent to us, and lie with us. 13:19-20

If she refused, they would claim to have witnessed her having sex with a young man.
But if thou wilt not, we will bear witness against thee, that a young man was with thee. 13:21
After hearing that, Susanna started screaming and both elders did likewise.
With that Susanna cried out with a loud voice: and the elders also cried out against her. 13:24
When the everyone heard the screaming, they came to see what was up. And the old men accused Susanna of having sex with a young man.
The two elders rising up in the midst of the people … said: As we walked in the orchard alone, this woman came in with two maids, and shut the doors of the orchard, and sent away the maids from her. Then a young man that was there hid came to her, and lay with her. 13:34-37
They all believed them and condemned Susanna to death.
The multitude believed them as being the elders and the judges of the people, and they condemned her to death. 13:41
But then, just at the last minute, the Lord raised up the holy spirit of a young boy, whose name was Daniel.
And when she was led to be put to death, the Lord raised up the holy spirit of a young boy, whose name was Daniel. 13:45
Daniel, with the help of the holy spirit, knew just what to do. Interrogate each of the old men separately.
Daniel said to the people: Separate these two far from one another, and I will examine them. 13:51
So that’s what he did. 

Daniel asked the first old guy, under pain of being cut in two, “Under what tree did you see the Susanna and the young man conversing?”
So when they were put asunder one from the other, he called one of them, and said to him ... if thou sawest her, tell me under what tree thou sawest them conversing together. 13:52-54a
He answered, under a mastic tree.
He said. Under a mastic tree. And Daniell said: Well hast thou lied against thy own head: for behold the angel of God having received the sentence of him, shall cut thee in two. 13:54b-55
Then he asked the second old lecher the same question.
And ... he commanded that the other should come, and he said ... tell me, under what tree didst thou take them conversing together. 13:56-58a
He answered, “Under a holm tree.”
And he answered: Under a holm tree. And Daniel said to him: Well hast thou also lied against thy own head: for the angel of the Lord waiteth with a sword to cut thee in two, and to destroy you. 13:58b-59
When the people heard that, they all screamed, blessed God, and killed the two dirty old men, presumably by cutting each of them into two pieces -- just as Daniel said under the inspiration of the holy spirit.
With that all the assembly cried out with a loud voice, and they blessed God And they rose up against the two elders ... and they put them to death. 13:60-62
And Daniel, who was already great, became even greater in the sight of all the people from that day forward.
And Daniel became great in the sight of the people from that day, and thenceforward. 13:64

17 May 2013

How many has God killed? Complete list and estimated total (Including Apocryphal killings)

Drunk With Blood Audiobook: Introduction
I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and mine sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42
The table shows two numbers: the number given by the Bible, if any, and an estimate, when no biblical number is available.

Total number killed by God in the Bible
- Using biblical numbers only: 2,821,364
 - With estimates: 25 million

(The table has been updated to include God's killings in the Apocrypha/Deuterocanonical books. I'll be adding the missing Apocryphal stories in the next few days.)

Killing Event Reference Bible's Number Estimate
1 The Flood of Noah Gen 7:23 20,000,000
2 Abraham's war to rescue Lot Gen 14:17-19 1,000
3 Sodom and Gomorrah Gen 19:24 2,000
4 Lot's wife Gen 19:26 1 1
5 While they were sore, Dinah's brethren slew all the males Gen 34:1-31, Judith 9:2-3 2 1,000
6 Er for being wicked in the sight of the Lord Gen 38:7 1 1
7 Onan for spilling his seed Gen 38:10 1 1
8 A seven year worldwide famine Gen 41:25-54 70,000
9 There will be blood: The first plague of Egypt Ex 7:15-27 , Wis 11:7-8 10,000
10 The seventh plague: hail Ex 9:25 300,000
11 Firstborn Egyptian children Ex 12:29-30 500,000
12 The Lord took off their chariot wheels Ex 14:8-26 600 5,000
13 Amalekites Ex 17:13 1,000
14 Who is on the Lord's side?: Forcing friends and family to kill each other Ex 32:27-28 3,000 3,000
15 Aaron's golden calf Ex 32:35 1,000
16 God burns Aaron's sons to death for offering "strange fire" Lev 10:1-3 2 2
17 A blasphemer is stoned to death Lev 24:10-23 1 1
18 When the people complained, God burned them to death Num 11:1 100
19 While the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote them will a very great plague Num 11:33 10,000
20 Ten scouts are killed for their honest report Num 14:35-45 10 110
21 A man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day is stoned to death Num 15:32-35 1 1
22 Korah, his companions, and their families are buried alive Num 16:27 3 9
23 God burns 250 people to death for burning incense Num 16:35 250 250
24 God kills 14,700 for complaining about God's killings Num 16:49 14,700 14,700
25 The massacre of the Aradies Num 21:1-2 3,000
26 God sent serpents to bite people for complaining about the lack of food and water Num 21:6 100
27 Phineas's double murder: A killing to end God's killing Num 25:1-11 24,002 24,002
28 The Midianite massacre: Have ye saved all the women alive? Num 31:1-35 6 200,000
29 God slowly killed the Israelite army Dt 2:14-16 500,000
30 God the giant killer Dt 2:21-22 5,000
31 God hardens King Sihon's heart so all his people can be killed Dt 2:33-34 1 5,000
32 Og and all the men women, and children in 60 cities Dt 3:6 1 60,000
33 The Jericho massacre Jos 6:21 1,000
34 Achan and his family Jos 7:10-26 1 5
35 The Ai massacre Jos 8:1-25 12,000 12,000
36 God stops the sun so Joshua can get his killing done in the daylight Jos 10:10-11 5,000
37 Five kings killed and hung on trees Jos 10:26 5 10,000
38 Joshua utterly destroyed all that breathed as the Lord commanded Jos 10:28-42 7 7,000
39 The genocide of twenty cities: There was not any left to breathe Jos 11:8-12 2 20,000
40 The Anakim: some more giant killing Jos 11:20-21 5,000
41 The Lord delivered the Canaanites and Perizzites Jg 1:4 10,000 10,000
42 The Jerusalem massacre Jg 1:8 1,000
43 Five massacres, a wedding, and God-proof iron chariots Jg 1:9-25 5,000
44 The Lord delivered Chushanrishathaim Jg 3:7-10 1 1,000
45 Ehud delivers a message from God Jg 3:15-22 1 1
46 God delivers 10,000 lusty Moabites Jg 3:28-29 10,000 10,000
47 Shamgar killed 600 Philistines with an ox goad Jg 3:31 600 600
48 Barak and God massacre the Canaanites Jg 4:15-16 1,000
49 Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man's skull Jg 4:18-22 1 1
50 Gideon's story: The Lord set every man's sword against his fellow Jg 7:22 120,000 120,000
51 A city is massacred and 1000 burn to death because of God's evil spirit Jg 9:23-27 1,001 2,000
52 The Ammonite massacre Jg 11:32-33 20,000
53 Jephthah's daughter Jg 11:39 1 1
54 42,000 die for failing the "shibboleth" test Jg 12:4-7 42,000 42,000
55 Samson murdered 30 men for their clothes Jg 14:19 30 30
56 Samson killed 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass Jg 15:14-15 1,000 1,000
57 Samson killed 3000 in a suicide terrorist attack Jg 16:27-30 3,000 3,000
58 A holy civil war (it had something to do with rotting concubine body part messages) Jg 20:35-37 65,100 65,100
59 The end of Judges: two genocides and 200 stolen virgins Jg 21:10-14 4,000
60 God killed Eli's sons and 34,000 Israelite soldiers 1 Sam 2:25, 4:11 34,002 34,002
61 God smote them with hemorrhoids in their secret parts 1 Sam 5:1-12 3,000
62 50,070 killed for looking into the ark of the Lord 1 Sam 6:19 50,070 50,070
63 The Lord thundered a great thunder upon the Philistines 1 Sam 7:10-11 1,000
64 Another Ammonite massacre (and another God-inspired body part message) 1 Sam 11:6-13 1,000
65 Jonathan's first slaughter 1 Sam 14:12-14 20 20
66 God forces the Philistines to kill each other 1 Sam 14:20 1,000
67 The Amalekite genocide 1 Sam  15:2-3 10,000
68 Samuel hacks Agag to death before the Lord 1 Sam 15:32-33 1 1
69 In the valley of Elah: Goliath 1 Sam 17:51, 2 Sam 21:19 1 1
70 David buys a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins 1 Sam  18:27 200 200
71 The Lord said to David, Go and smite the Philistines 1 Sam 23:2-5 10,000
72 God killed Nabal (and David got his wife and other stuff) 1 Sam 25:38 1 1
73 David commits random acts of genocide for the Philistines 1 Sam 27:8-11 60,000
74 David spends the day killing Amalekites 1 Sam 30:17 1,000
75 God kills Saul, his sons, and his soldiers (because Saul didn't kill all the Amalekites) 1 Sam 31:2, 2 Chr 10:6 4 100
76 David kills the messenger 2 Sam 1:15 1 1
77 David killed, mutilated, and hung Rechab and Baanah 2 Sam 4:12 2 2
78 God helps David smite the Philistines from the front and the rear 2 Sam 5:19-25 2,000
79 God killed Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling 2 Sam 6:6-7, 1 Chr 13:9-10 1 1
80 David killed two-thirds of the Moabite POWs and enslaved the rest 2 Sam 8:2 667
81 And the Lord gave David victory wherever he went 2 Sam 8 - 10 65,850 66,850
82 David killed every male in Edom 2 Sam 8:13-14, 1 Kg 11:15-16, 1 Chr 18:12, Ps 60:1 15,000 25,000
83 Thus did David do to all the children of Ammon 2 Sam 11:1, 1 Chr 20:1 1,000
84 God slowly kills a baby 2 Sam 12:14-18 1 1
85 Seven sons of Saul are hung up before the Lord 2 Sam 21:1-9 7 3,000
86 David's mighty men and their amazing killings 2 Sam 23, 1 Chr 11 1,403 3,400
87 God killed 70,000 because of David had a census that God (or Satan) told him to do 2 Sam 24:15, 1 Chr 21:14 70,000 200,000
88 Solomon murdered Job and Shimei (per David's deathbed wish) 1 Kg 2:29-46 2 2
89 A tale of two prophets 1 Kg 13:11-24 1 1
90 Jeroboam's son: God kills another child 1 Kg 14:17 1 1
91 Jeroboam's family 1 Kg 15:29 10
92 Baasha's family and friends 1 Kg 16:11-12 20
93 Zimri burns to death 1 Kg 16:18-19 1 1
94 The drought of Elijah 1 Kg 17:1, Luke 4:25, James 5:17-18 3,000
95 Elijah kills 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest 1 Kg 18:22-40 450 450
96 The first God-assisted slaughter of the Syrians 1 Kg 20:20-21 10,000
97 God killed 100,000 Syrians for calling him a god of the hills 1 Kg 20:28-29 100,000 100,000
98 God killed 27,000 Syrians by making a wall fall on them 1 Kg 20:30 27,000 27,000
99 God sent a lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet 1 Kg 20:35-36 1 1
100 God killed Ahab for not killing a captured king 1 Kg 20:42, 22:35 1 1
101 God burned 102 men to death for asking Elijah to come down from his hill 2 Kg 1:10-12 102 102
102 God killed Ahaziah for asking the wrong God 2 Kg 1:16-17, 2 Chr 22:7-9 1 1
103 God sent bears to kill 42 boys for making fun of a prophet's bald head 2 Kg 2:23-24 42 42
104 The Lord delivered the Moabites 2 Kg 3:18-25 5,000
105 A skeptic is trampled to death 2 Kg 7:2-20 1 1
106 God's seven year famine 2 Kg 8:1 7,000
107 Jehoram of Israel 2 Kg 9:24 1 1
108 Jezebel 2 Kg 9:33-37 1 1
109 Ahab's sons: 70 heads in two baskets 2 Kg 10:6-10 70 70
110 Ahab's hometown family, friends, and priests 2 Kg 10:11 20
111 Jehu killed Ahaziah's family 2 Kg 10:12-13, 2 Chr 22:7-9 42 42
112 Jehu and his partner kill the rest of Ahab's family 2 Kg 10:17 20
113 Jehu assembled the followers of Baal and then slaughtered them all 2 Kg 10:18-25 1,000
114 Mattan the priest of Baal and Queen Athaliah 2 Kg 11:17-20 2 2
115 God sent lions to eat those who didn't fear him enough 2 Kg 17:25-26 10
116 An angel killed 185,000 sleeping soldiers 2 Kg 19:34, 37:36 185,000 185,000
117 God caused King Sennacherib to be killed by his sons 2 Kg 19:37, Tobit 1:21 1 1
118 Josiah killed all the priests of the high places 2 Kg 23:20 100
119 Just another holy war 1 Chr 5:18-22 50,000
120 God killed a half million Israelite soldiers 2 Chr 13:17-18 500,000 500,000
121 Jeroboam 2 Chr 13:20 1 1
122 God killed a million Ethiopians 2 Chr 14:9-14 1,000,000 1,000,000
123 Friendly fire: God forced "a great multitude" to kill each other 2 Chr 20:22-25 30,000
124 God made Jehoram's bowels fall out 2 Chr 21:14-19 1 1
125 God killed Jehoram's sons 2 Chr 22:1 3
126 Ahaziah of Judah 2 Chr 22:7-8 1 1
127 Joash, the princes, and army of Judah 2 Chr 24:20-25 1 10,000
128 God destroyed Amaziah 2 Chr 25:15-27 1 1,000
129 God smote Ahaz with the king of Syria 2 Chr 28:1-5 1 10,000
130 God killed 120,000 valiant men for forsaking him 2 Chr 28:6 120,000 120,000
131 The fall of Jerusalem 2 Chr 36:16-17 10,000
132 The Purim killings: God hath done these things Esther 2 - 9, 10:4 75,813 75,813
133 God and Satan kill Job's children and slaves Job 1:18-19 10 60
134 Hananiah Jer 28:15-16 1 1
135 Ezekiel's wife Ezek 24:15-18 1 1
136 Oh! Susanna Dan 13:6-62 2 2
137 Judith is blessed above all women (for cutting off a sleeping man's head) Judith 13:6-10 1 1
138 The Judith massacre: hang ye up this head upon our walls Judith 15:1-6 1,000
139 Mathathias's double murder 1 Mac 2:24-25 2 2
140 Mathathias and his friends slay the wicked sinners 1 Mac 2:44 100
141 God killed Andronicus, the sacrilegious wretch 2 Mac 4:38 1 1
142 A Jewish mob killed Lysimachus, the sacrilegious fellow 2 Mac 4:42 1 1
143 God helped Judas Machabeus destroy the wicked 1 Mac 3:1-26, 2 Mac 8:5-6 800 4,900
144 Judas and his unarmed men kill 3000 of Gorgias's soldiers 1 Mac 3:44-4:24 3,000 3,000
145 The Hanukkah killings 1 Mac 4:34-5:7 5,000 17,000
146 The Machabees brothers slaughter the heathens 1 Mac 5:21-51 11,000 37,000
147 Nicanor's army: The Almighty being their helper, they slew above nine thousand men 1 Mac 7:32-47, 2 Mac 8:24, 15:27 147,002 147,002
148 Jonathan and Simon destroy the wicked out of Israel 1 Mac  9:46-49, 2 Mac  8:30-33, 10:61 1,000 1,200
149 Five heavenly horsemen cast darts and fireballs at the enemy 2 Mac 8:32-10:38 21,103 21,400
150 God killed Antiochus with an incurable bowel disease 2 Mac 9:5-28 1 1
151 Idumeans, traitors, and Jews in two towers 2 Mac 10:16-17 40,000 40,100
152 Nicanor's head: A manifest sign of the help of God 1 Mac 7:33-48, 2 Mac  15:1-35 35,000 35,000
153 Aliens at Cades 1 Mac 11:74 3,000 3,000
154 John burns to death 2000 in the tower of Azotus 1 Mac 16:10 2,000 2,000
155 God sent wasps to slowly destroy people Wisdom 12:8-9 1,000
156 Ananias and Sapphira Acts 5:5-10 2 2
157 Herod Aggripa Acts 12:23 1 1
158 Jesus Rom 8:32, 1 Pet 1:1820 1 1
Totals 2,821,364 24,994,828